Vancouver Province
for March 21, 1999

Ye Gods! Am I not hearing a distant but distinct voice hollering "bring back the Zalm?" Could it be that of all the premiers we’ve had since 1986, ignoring the brief stint of Rita Johnston, that Bill Vander Zalm is the best?

Vander Zalm was a catastrophe from the outset. A man of no education, either formal or informal, he managed in two years to destroy the loyalty of his caucus and in four years an entire political party, one that had dominated B.C. politics for 40 years. But – and it’s a big but – he left the province’s finances of which he was steward, in good shape. With the exception of the Johnston administration which threw money at the electorate as they tried to salvage something in the election to come, the Socreds were excellent money managers throughout all the ups and downs of the regimes of Bennett pere et fils and the aforementioned Mr Vander Zalm. And it must be remembered that at least Bill Vander Zalm, when he got into trouble, at least paid his own legal bills.

When Mike Harcourt came to power he promised a balanced budget during the "business cycle", whatever that’s supposed to mean. It didn’t, evidently, mean during his term of office. His debt repayment strategy collapsed when he couldn’t even make the first payment. With Glen Clark it’s been one financial disaster after another.

But in assessing the worth or otherwise of our last three premiers, leaving out Mrs Johnstone, let’s forget the fiscal question if only because Mr Vander Zalm is so ahead on that score that even a British prize fighting judge would give him the nod.

Quite apart from the fact that Vander Zalm just pissed off a hell of a lot of people by trying to impose his own beliefs on the world, what were his sins?

Well, he had a number of clear conflicts of interest. He entertained, at public expense at Government House, a shady Filipino businessman to whom he was trying to flog his theme park. Bad idea, terrible optics. He tried to pressure the president of Petrocan into selling him some property next to his theme park - clearly a reprehensible act of political abuse. He made a deal with the billionaire in a hotel room in the middle of the night and took $20,000 in cash - I must say then and now I couldn’t see what the big deal was about the big chunk of cash - and I pass over the brilliant daily comedy session with Fay Leung who is still chasing him (literally at Jack Webster’s funeral) for real estate commission.

Let’s turn to Mr Harcourt who ran the 1991 election on fiscal accountability – remember the Amex card he destroyed during the leaders’ debate? – and promptly spent us much deeper into the hole. His one big ethical problem was an attorney-general who swore a false affidavit. Instead of implementing the high code of honour he spouted during the election, Harcourt stonewalled for his minister while a lawyer, who had received $145,000 in fees from the Attorney-General’s office the previous year, decided that Colin Gabelmann really didn’t mean to perjure himself. Then Mr Harcourt, reminding us at all times of Peter Sellers brilliant rendition of Chief Inspector Clouseau, made an ass of himself in living colour over the Charlottetown Accord. And he so badly mishandled the Nanaimo Commonwealth case that he was forced to run up on his own sword to save the Party.

Now we have Glen Clark – Hydrogate, fish wars, fudged budgets (yes he was the man responsible for them both), casino licenses for pals and the list goes on. One calamity after another and it’s always someone else’s fault.

Looking at the three of them, Vander Zalm Harcourt and Clark I say there’s little to choose amongst them. They have all been catastrophes and an embarrassment to their province.

Mr Clark won’t quit because he has nowhere to go. Unlike the wealthy Bill Vander Zalm or the impractical airhead Harcourt, he has no greenhouse or university to look after him in his next life. Maybe Bill Vander Zalm could give him a job mucking out greenhouses, or whatever it is you do in greenhouses.

Our only hope is Gordon Campbell. For it’s surely beyond the realm of possibility that he can as bad as much less worse than his three predecessors.

God! how I wish I hadn’t just said that …