Vancouver Province
for July 28, 2000

It's said that one shouldn't discuss sex, politics or religion - I think they're the most interesting subjects for debate and how rare it is that I get to talk about all three at the same time.

Stockwell Day is a politician (politics) who think that homosexuality (sex) is an acquired taste - it's a matter of choice were his exact words to me in an interview. I rather suspect that he relies upon Leviticus 18:22 (religion) as well. So there we have it all rolled into one issue - politics, homosexuality and religion. Permit me, then, to get the collective Christian fundamentalists knotted in their own knickers with some pretty basic questions that they, with their intimate knowledge of God's laws, will be able to answer, I'm sure, in a trice.

The passage relied upon by those who condemn homosexual behaviour is, as mentioned, Leviticus which calls it an "abomination." They also rely upon one or two passages in the New Testament, not, I might add from the mouth of Jesus. Many fundamentalists claim, however, that when Jesus required that we obey God's law, he was referring, amongst other things, to Leviticus. Very well, then, So that I may better myself and assist in the redemption of my own soul, I have some questions for the Fundamentalist Community.

I have found that when I burn a bull on the altar (Lev 1:9) that while I may be pleasing God, who no doubt finds the odour no problem, my neighbour raises hell with me and threatens to report me to the authorities. How should I handle this delicate matter of loving God and my neighbour? Things have been a bit unsettled in the radio and writing world these days and I would like to make a little pocket money by selling my daughter into slavery (Exodus 21:7). What are the going rates for fortyish female slaves? Can I take advantage of Nafta and sell her to someone in the Southern States who may have some family experience with the blessings of slavery? I know - and here it gets a tad delicate - that I'm not allowed to make any contact with a woman when she is having her period. (Lev 15:19-24) I find this a difficult matter to approach women on - in fact I am invariably rebuffed often accompanied by a swinging handbag. Any suggestions? Back to slavery. Lev 25:14 says that I may buy slaves from nations that surround us. While I'm surprised to learn that God is so keen on slavery, I'm wondering if this means I can go to the United States only or, with Nafta, can I simply wait on the north bank of the Rio Grande and whisk off a couple of appropriate "wetbacks"? With globalization can I look to other parts of the world where slavery is still in vogue?

Now I have next door neighbour who, when I'm off to church on Sunday, insists upon cutting his lawn. Exodus 35:2 makes it clear beyond doubt that he should be put to death and I'm kind of wondering how that squares with the Ten Commandments. And do I sin as an accessory if I don't kill him? And is there anything I should know about the Biblically correct way to do him in? Use him on the barby instead of the bull, perhaps?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an "abomination" (Lev 11:10) how does it rate in the abomination department with homosexuality? I say it's worse, he says the opposite - can you settle this dispute for us?

I'm a bit worried about Lev 21:18 which says that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. This, you see, poses a problem. I regularly take communion and I must wear glasses. Is this a hard and fast rule or is there some "wriggle room" here?

Oh, one more thing. There is a monument to war dead in London which says "Saul has slain his thousands but David has slain his tens of thousands". Were these all people who mowed their lawns on the Sabbath? I ask because it really does seem like a lot of killing given the "thou shalt not kill" rule and I thought it would be kind of helpful if I could know about all the exceptions.

A reply c/o this paper would be most appreciated.